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Dressing For Dummies

by Cortney Sturtevant

Queen of Tarts iconLet’s take on the subject of clothing. Up until recently, I never really cared about what I wore. I was usually most comfortable sporting jeans and a sweatshirt. Since I wore a uniform five days a week, I never really had to think about what to wear.

Now I own a more selective wardrobe, and even like shopping more than ever before. I coordinate my coats with my outfits, and my socks always match. I’ve gotten in touch with my feminine side—my mom would be proud.

Since my newfound taste in clothing has been unleashed, I now take a peek at the fashion industry for my flavor. Unfortunately, all I get is a bad taste in my mouth.

First let’s take on the issue of cost. I’m a bargain hunter. I think I have bragging rights when I find a skirt for $3. Let’s face it. I’m no Rockefella.’ Like most women my age, I get by on a tight budget, with a teensy bit of help from home. I go crazy when I go into a clothing store and see sweaters from $50 and up. Or jeans for $100. I can’t afford those things, so I never buy anything that isn’t on sale.

Okay, now take that same pair of $100 jeans and inspect them carefully. I saw a "brand new" pair in the mall the other day that were ripped, dirty, and stained. When I buy a pair of jeans, I like to be able to wear them in myself so they’re comfortable. It’s pretty bad when you buy a pair of jeans that should be tossed in the garbage. It’s even worse when you’ve paid $100 for them.

What’s with the baseball caps that look like crap? Or tee shirts you can buy that have paint spots on them? And all these things cost a lot of money! So put together the jeans, the shirt, and the hat, you’ve spent about $150, and you look like you rolled out of the gutter. If you’re really into the dirty and dissed clothing, you could buy the same outfit at the secondhand clothing store for the price of one tee shirt at Abercrombie.

Another thing that bothers me about clothing is the people wearing them. Picture this: It’s November in Vermont. I’m hanging out with my girlfriends downtown on a Saturday night. I’m waiting in line to go into a bar and the girl behind me is jumping around and complaining about how cold it is. I look out of the corner of my eye and see the girl is wearing nothing but a push-up halter top and a skirt barely covering her ass.

Hello? Does anyone see anything wrong with this?

I’m into sexy clothing. I don’t mind showing a little skin now and then in the appropriate settings. I have shirts that show off my cleavage, and I think belly shirts can be cute. Usually I see outfits like this and only wish I could pull it off. But come on kids! It is 42 degrees outside. Put on a coat. I’m all for looking sexy, but I don’t think pneumonia is very trendy.

Fashion can be a good thing. People have their own style and that’s all well and good. But like any "opiate of the masses," it needs to be regulated—by people’s own common sense. People need to use their sense to figure out what works, and what doesn’t. They need to stop buying the crap on store racks and demand something better. I wish fashion companies would focus more on the "real people" in life instead of those airbrushed ones in magazines. Nothing is more annoying than when you go to a clearance rack in the store, and all ten skirts left are size "0." No bragging rights there—I need a size 14 to make my bargain shopping excursion a successful one.