Particularly Aware in October of Violence Against Women

bu Margaret Michniewicz

I wonder who you were. And I wonder where you are now. Maybe I’ve even exchanged pleasantries with you while waiting in line for lunch downtown, or entering the Flynn for a show. Maybe you have a wife and family now, and perhaps I am even acquainted with your sister. I wonder if you’ve ever shared our story with someone – a therapist, your church minister, buddies at the bar? Or maybe you don’t ever even think about it, have since forgotten?

I remember.

It was an early morning in November of 1984, around the time that the bars closed in downtown Burlington. I had stayed home with my boyfriend for the evening, in the little carriage house cottage set back by itself behind the huge old houses lining Maple and So. Union Streets. I shared the cottage with a friend I call Terri, here. She’d gone out for the evening with a mutual friend and we had gone to sleep before she came home.

Awakened by chilling screams, we rushed outside and found Terri sitting in the driver’s seat of her car. She just kept screaming; it took awhile before we could get the story of what happened out of my violently shaking, sobbing friend.

She had pulled into her parking spot just outside our carriage house, and before she was even ready to emerge, a man wearing a sweatshirt with the hood pulled low over his face flung open the car door and began to sexually assault her.

Apparently he was frightened off by her loud screams, and perhaps my bedroom light going on as we rushed out upon hearing her cries for help. But the nightmare didn’t end there for any of us. In the coming months we lived on the edge, wondering if he would strike again.

We never found the perpetrator. There were no jilted partners out for revenge and beyond the man’s short, stocky physique, Terri found nothing familiar in his appearance. He could have been a fellow classmate at the University of Vermont, one she didn’t recognize or had never even noticed, or it could have been a completely random attack.

Given where our house was situated, set back off the beaten track, I remain convinced that he had deliberately waited, observing our comings and goings for his opportunity. For the remainder of our rental lease, most particularly in those bleak nights of November and December when nightfall came early, we lived in heightened fear even while inside. It was difficult even when we were both there, but nearly intolerable when home alone.

It’s a fear that all women know, in varying degrees. It’s that instinctive unease prompting us to cross the street, if that’s an option. It’s that knowledge that yes, I should be able to go out for an invigorating, mind-clearing solo jog away from the hustle and bustle, or at night – but that if I’m going to do that I’d better take along the mace or pepper spray. It’s needing to carefully consider when and where I can safely go – a mindset that, for the most part, men rarely need to consider for themselves.

I am fortunate in that my personal experience with the terror of violence against women ends (so far) at this vicarious experience. And though this incident occurred at our house, and caused us to live in extreme fear for some time in our little cottage, it was an attack by an outsider. For many women, however, the greatest danger lurks in their own homes, at the hands of their partners and spouses.

Consider the following statistics about our Vermont communities, presented on the Web site of the Vermont Network Against Domestic and Sexual Violence –

- In the recently released report When Men Murder Women: An Analysis of 2006 Homicide Data, Vermont ranked 6th in the nation for the occurrence of domestic violence homicides.

- Vermont Network programs identified 7,835 children and youth as having been exposed to domestic violence in their homes.

- Network program shelters and safehomes housed 193 children; 1,175 additional children received other services from Network Programs.

Nationally, we know that:

- On average, more than three women a day are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the United States.

- Nearly one in four women in the U.S. reports experiencing violence by a current or former spouse or boyfriend at some point in her life.

- Women are 84 percent of spouse abuse victims and 86 percent of victims of abuse at the hands of a boyfriend or girlfriend.

- Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.

- 30 percent to 60 percent of perpetrators of intimate partner violence also abuse children in the household.

- Approximately 20 percent of the 1.5 million people who experience intimate partner violence annually obtain civil protection orders. Approximately one half of those orders are violated.

- In 2008, Vermont endured 20 homicides. Thirteen of those homicides were domestic violence related. Of those homicides, 7 children were witness to the murder, whether directly or immediately after. Five of the homicides in Vermont last year were of children. Domestic violence was involved in the families of all of those children. (2008 Vermont Fatality Review Report).

(www.vtnetwork.org/main.php//DomesticViolence/Statistics)

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

We encourage everyone to participate in some of the events and programs presented now, and throughout the year, by advocacy organizations around the state working to end violence directed against women here in Vermont.

Refusing Silence: The Necessity of Voicing our Stories

Thursday, October 22 – 5:30pm

Candle-lit Vigil, Awareness Walk and Survivor Speak-Out

This is a chance to honor the courage of victims and survivors. It is also an opportunity to share your story. We will gather on Church Street in front of City Hall and listen to the UVM Tops Cats perform. We will then light our candles and walk in unity to One Main Street Landing, where Miss Teen Vermont will open the speak-out by sharing her experience.

Location: City Hall and One Main Street Landing, Burlington

Contact Women Helping Battered Women for more information: www.whbw.org

Input Sought

The Vermont Network Against Domestic and Sexual Violence seeks input from survivors, advocates, police, prosecutors, state agencies, community activists, and other stakeholders to help us figure out what is and isn't working about Vermont's response to sexual and domestic violence. We'd like to hear from you about what you think the Network could be doing at the Statehouse to improve the way our state supports victims and survivors and holds perpetrators accountable. Please link to this brief online survey http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=9g4JBUjZa1qB3Y6mdwg1ow_3d_3d and share your thoughts. To see updates from past legislative sessions about what laws have already passed, check out the public policy section of our Web site: www.vtnetwork.org.

Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-228-7395.