Publisher's Message: An Interview with a Trumpster
by Sue Gillis

VTWMN/ Trumpsters are being suckered?
We know it, and we don’t care.

VTWMN/ Patriot?
Oh my God, yes! I just love the flag. And I get all teary when I hear the national anthem.

VTWMN/ Reckless vote?
I wanted to shake things up, so I voted for Trump. Also, I love reality TV, and Trump is entertaining by the hour!

VTWMN/ Compassionate?
Of course, I am. Dumb question. But I got mine, Jack, and I shut the door behind me. Tight. Real tight. If that's not compassion, then I don't know what is.

VTWMN/ Taxes?
As long as I don’t have to pay any.

VTWMN/ The new tax bill?
I don’t really know anything about it, so it’s good. All I care about is low taxes and jobs. The debt doesn’t bother me ’cause I’ll be dead by its due date.

VTWMN/ Guns?
More and more for everyone, especially for the militias.

VTWMN/ Weekly mass shootings?
Shootings aren’t about guns. Guns don’t kill people—the shooter is the killer! I pray and feel for the victims’ families.

VTWMN/ Nationalism?
Yup, I’m for the nation, of course. Another dumb question.

VTWMN/ Racist, bigot, homophobe, anti-Semite?
Nope, not me. But you know, blacks and Jews need to know their place, and queers should just shut up.

VTWMN/ Women?
Gotta love ’em. But only if they’re young, pretty, always hot to trot, and not too uppity and, oh yeah, will bear as many children as possible and always take care of them even if they’re sick and poor. Shut up and show up, that’s what I say.

VTWMN/ Immigrants?
Who do these people think they are? We don’t want dirty dumb immigrants. Whose idea was that?

VTWMN/ Welfare?
Absolutely not. That’s socialism. Take responsibility, that’s what I say.

VTWMN/ Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security?
Get rid of them all. Like I said, take responsibility.

VTWMN/ Pro-Choice?
Are you kidding?! Never. I don’t believe in murdering little babies. And also women are too dumb to make any choices, especially about their own bodies. And P.S., we have to keep a big workforce and supply our armies. Right? Well. Then.

States’ rights?
Yup, I’m for states’ rights all right, especially when it comes to stuff like abortion and gay marriage—which I’m totally against, of course! But legalizing marijuana or providing sanctuary for immigrants? Nope, no way, not a state thing.

VTWMN/ Voters’ rights?
You got me there. States should make voting as has hard as possible for certain groups—if you know what I mean. Did I say I am thrilled that the Supreme Court got rid of the Voting Rights Act?

Photo: Jan Doerler

 

 

The Slow-Moving Coup:
Bill Maher’s Dictatorship Checklist

- You just fired Jeff Sessions and replaced as acting attorney general Matthew Whittaker as your “personal protector,” on top of appointing Brett Kavanaugh as Supreme Court justice.

- You are a narcissist who likes to see his name and face on buildings.

- You appoint family members to positions of power.

- You hold rallies even when you’re not running, and they are scary.

- You talk about jailing the press and political opponents.

- You hate the press and use Fox News as a propaganda channel, your own state TV, with Sean Hannity and Jeanine Pirro openly endorsing “their leader.”

- You use your office for your personal financial gain.

- You align with dictators.

- You claim minorities are the cause of the problems in the country.

- You lie so freely your supporters don’t know what the truth is anymore and don’t care.

- You want to hold military parades and muse openly about being president for life.

- You have not yet dressed up in a military costume, but that’s coming.

 

VTWMN/ Christian?
You bet. I’m for Jesus.

VTWMN/ Poverty?
The poor will get by if they are believers.

VTWMN/ Supreme Court?
Stack it full of people just like me.

VTWMN/ Laws?
They are for bad people only. Like Hillary. Not the rest of us. Certainly not for Trump and all the Trumpsters. We’re the good guys.

VTWMN/ Climate change?
Puhleeze—everyone knows that science is bunk especially us nonscientists. There has always been weather so there is always a weather reason for bad weather—you know, like record-breaking heat waves, massive hurricanes, bad floods, rising tides … Nothing special going on here. Except for when we have bad fires, drought, lost crops … then it’s California’s fault.

VTWMN/ The media?
All media is fake except for the truth-tellers like Fox News and Sinclair Broadcast Group and Rush Limbaugh. You know, Trump and all his pals. I believe ’em, always.

VTWMN/ What is your hope for the future of America?
More for me, less for you. Oh, and let’s keep America white and Christian, no matter what!

VTWMN/ What if you are wrong?
I’m not wrong.

VTWMN/ How do you know?
God and Trump and Fox News told me so. And that’s the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me God.

VTWMN/ Trump in 2020?
I dream of it night and day, day and night, night and day …

Addendum: This may or may not be a fake interview.


 

 

Sue Gillis is the Publisher of Vermont Woman.